MILLENNI - HO - HUM !
' A Millennium Sale ' - the cattleyard gates
Sported an eye - catching sign,
' Two Thousand Dollars, ' the auctioneer cried,
'For you, Sir, Nineteen Ninety Nine! '
' A bargain ', he smirked, ' for this champion bull.'
(Half the price - it would still be too dear! )
Just what I'd expect from a shyster who'd cheat
A Millennium out of a year!
' The Millennium Match! ' the old cricketer sneered,
'I suppose in one way that's just fine,
I need all the help I damn well can get
And if a century's just ninety - nine
As all of these media gurus have claimed
At ninety - eight ---- I need only one run!
They're a kangaroo short in the top paddock,
Or they've been too long out in the sun. '
Down at the Local they've caught the disease,
The barmaid is quite a good sort
But she pulled me a dinkum 'Millennium Schooner',
You've guessed it - the measure was short!
I paid her in kind, ' Excuse me - , ' she protested,
' Fair go! This adds up too light,'
' Sorry, love, but use your Millennium Maths.
And you'll find that it works out just right! '
Smug Mums and Dads with Millennium babies -
Stiff cheddar, folks, you've jumped the gun,
But you've proved you can do it, just do it again,
Junior, here, was a mere practice run!
I could have died laughing when Great Gran enthused,
' New fangled Maths is so wonderful,
Almost ninety - nine and reckons she'll score
A telegram from the Palace this year!
I am wearied by all this hysterical hype
Because someone could not count to ten,
Do we have to go through all the hoo - ha and tripe
And mad celebrations again?
Fireworks and frenzy, New Year resolutions,
It's our money, Ralph, and this Nation
Might benefit best if the Millions were spent
Teaching children their multipication!